Yes it is true that the loss of Pacman against Juan Manuel Marquez is quite disheartening but that's part of the game! But what's so devastating is the mixed reaction that people have shared about PacMan's fateful loss. Most people blamed it to Pacman's change of religion. Toink! It was told that since Pacman left the Catholic doctrines and embraced his current religion, misfortune went along with him. First, with Timothy Bradley, and now with Juan Manuel Marquez. One commenter said that "because he stop making a sign of the cross before each game thus he lost the game" IS THAT SO?

If we are to compare Pacman's life before and now, people might reconsider how he dealt with his life as  a family man. News about other women are gone. Jinkee is much happier with the changes of his husband now. What's more? He has more time in studying God's Words, yet people took it negatively. And I believe that God has a message for Pacman with what had happened. Maybe God wants Pacman to surrender his boxing career. Why? Because, unknowingly, he became an instrument to people's greed for money. Millions of money were spent for gambling. Every time Pacman was scheduled to have a fight which often falls on Sunday, people can be seen on theaters than on church.  Some people adored him, idolized him and we all know that IDOLATRY is against the will of God. 

I was also upset with how the media proliferate the issue of religion. One major TV network even came to a point of inviting Mommy D for an interview just to feed the shallow minded people whom until now cannot still accept PacMan's defeat and blamed it all with his religion. Manny was clear when he told his Mom that such issues should be dealt with privately, not in front of the national television, yet the anchor man continue his interview with Mommy D. Invasion of privacy? 

PacMan lost the game. It's a given fact. But can we just learn to accept it as it is? I just hope that Manny will not give in to his promoter's lure to take another rematch with Marquez. Enough is enough. PacMan is still the People's Champ, can we not just give credit to all the honor that he brought to our country. Can we not just respect his decisions and above all, his new found religion?

What profits a man if he gains the whole world yet losses his own soul? 

I can't stand the cold mornings for long... It can't be denied, it's December. Some people started looking through their Christmas wish lists. They started filling up the shoe boxes to be given away. Me? Well, just like what a friend of mine says, I don't need to wish, I have my God who will supply my needs. Make sense, isn't it? I might be physically shivering because of the cold December winds, emotionally I am shivering too for unknown reason at all. I have this anxiety within me that is so hard to explain. I am not sure if what I felt is normal for other first-time Mom out there. I just cannot control my fears, my worries. Trusting God seems easier said than done (Oops sorry! here goes the pessimistic me again). Honestly, I am still crossing my fingers that God will eventually hear my prayers. He is the God of order and the God of perfect timing. I should live to that.

This morning, I heard from a friend that others already have the things that I've been praying for and she's asking me if I received the same, I said NO. And it left me wondering why. Yes, why oh why? I thought I will always be the head and not the tail. I just cannot understand Lord. Until now I am still in the midst of confusions.I just hope that before this month will end, Your answer to my prayer will be clearer enough. Please enlighten me.

I am a Mom who wants nothing but the best for my baby. But I do have my limitations. I know if still have a long way to go. I wanna be an ideal Mom to my baby. Maybe not as tough as my own Mom nor as lenient as my granny. I just wanna be my son's best friend when he grow up aside from being a loving and considerate mother. I want him to feel how I will value him not only as my son but as a person as well. Jeush Gregory gave me that kind of fulfilment that is indescribable. His smile, his giggles, his tantrums and everything about him are worthy to be treasured. Lord, You knew the desire of my heart for my son. It is my prayer that he will walk his path in accordance to Your will. 

♫ Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then Spin me around ‘til I fell asleepThen up the stairs he would carry me And I knew for sure I was lovedIf I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him I’d play a song that would never, ever end How I’d love, love, love To dance with my father again When I and my mother would disagreeTo get my way, I would run from her to him He’d make me laugh just to comfort meThen finally make me do just what my mama saidLater that night when I was asleepHe left a dollar under my sheetNever dreamed that he would be gone from meIf I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with himI’d play a song that would never, ever end‘Cause I’d love, love, loveTo dance with my father again Sometimes I’d listen outside her door And I’d hear how my mother cried for him I pray for her even more than meI pray for her even more than me I know I’m praying for much too much But could you send back the only man she lovedI know you don’t do it usually But dear Lord she’s dyingTo dance with my father againEvery night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream ♫ ♪

Me and my sister love this song so much especially the version of Jessica Sanchez (Original by Luther Vandross). However, I just cannot relate with the song. How I wish I have such kind of a father. I grew up without him. I only find that father-figure through my late Tatay. My biological father has the time of his life when he was still on his younger years. He married my Mom at an early age, got separated few years after our 6th sibling was born, married again to different women, expanded his territory by having more offspring and most of them I don't even got the chance to meet.

I used to hate him for being him. I used to blame him for every fears and misery that I've been through.However, God's Words prompted me one day. I've been struggling much in the area of forgiveness. Yet I was reminded of myself, being imperfect. I may not get to choose my parents, but God uses them as an instrument for my existence. Then I resolve it to myself, I should not hate him anymore.

The other night, we have a very long phone conversation. I told him how I truly felt about him. He accepted everything. He admit all his mistakes then he asked me this one question, "Nak, do you hate me?". I told him frankly, that I don't dwell on it anymore. If I ever hated him then I would never dare to call him. Then he laugh. I can feel a sigh of relief on the other line. But i told him as well that hatred was no longer overwhelming me yet I cannot feel any real connection anymore with him. I explained it to him. He seems to understand. And the line was cut off. He warned me earlier that his phone battery was about to drain but he asked me to continue to talk. 

I really don't get to miss him anymore. But one thing is for sure, I am still thankful with him. For without him, I won't exist.And no matter how would i deny him, in the eyes of God, HE IS STILL MY FATHER.

I may have the chance to dance with him, if not now, maybe tomorrow or in the coming days... Maybe not in reality, perhaps in one of my dreams...Well, the song was the exact opposite but still how I wish that someday, my own daughter (if God permits to grant me one) will sing this song to his dad.

-♥♥♥-

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