Lately, I felt like I am totally overtaken by bad happenings in my life. First, we lost our great step dad, next, my patience has been challenge to its peak. I easily get mad and I wanted to shout all my disappointments in life. Well, this is the consequences brought by all those things that I have decided before. And it seems like it is hard for me to understand. Why hard? It's because I failed to listen to his Words.

Lord, change my heart please with all willingness. Cleanse it from all unrighteousness.

balloons for Tatay

Letting go of the reality that Tatay is forever gone

This is the day that my Tatay will finally be laid to his final rest... I will never have the chance to see him again. The days that follow will be a different one. It is different knowing that Tatay is gone. I wish i could turn back the hands of time and should have spend more time with him. It's gonna be too late. i just hope that Tatay is happy wherever he is right now...

courtesy of Sto. Niño Devotees

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I was late again this morning in coming to school. I cannot put the blame to the driver or to the traffic. I was late because I get up late. I still have to feed my baby and prepare his milk so that his Nanay (my Mama) won't get stress in preparing all those things. It's been six days already that the whole family stays together at my Mama's house and six days since our Tatay is gone. Tomorrow will be his scheduled burial and sad to say we cannot go there at Bukidnon to pay our last respect. The situation is quite complicated so I suggested to my Mama to have our simple way of bidding goodbye to our Tatay by releasing a white balloon tomorrow. Right after tomorrow, all of us (my Manoy and his family, my other  brother's family, all our relatives and friends who will also be with us) will go back to our respective home, leaving our Mama alone in the house. Well, that's how I sees thing then. I know it will not be easy for my Mama.

Me, my sisters, my Mama & my Tatay

I've known for a fact that we can only appreciate the value of an individual when he/she is gone already. However, we tend to forget this kind of reality unless we could actually relate to it. When Tatay was still alive, he became quite irritable as his condition worsen. He constantly woke Mama up in the middle of the night. He often shout as if he was badly hurt. He's like a child who always long for attention. Mama's condition isn't really that good as well because she has a hypertension and she keeps on complaining that he barely sleeps at night because Tatay keeps on waking her up. During daytime, Tatay used to stay outside the house to keep himself from too much boredom because he has no one to talk to because Mama is busy also in doing her duty as Barangay Official in the place where we previously resided. Tatay is an extrovert type of person. He always wanted to have someone to talk to. Thus, despite his worsen condition, Tatay made an extra effort with the help of his assistant, whom Mama hired, to go to a neighbor's house few meters away from ours to talk with his so called "best friend" who is older than him yet still in good health condition. Tatay's daily routine goes on that way. Looking back all these things, I know Mama will miss him. She will miss those good and bad times that they've shared together. Tatay used to cook for her when he was still in good health, sing for her whenever we are all gathered for  a celebration. I remember how Tatay insisted to have a Lechon Baboy (grilled pork) on my 27th birthday by giving up Sabadik, his alagang baboy.He actually did the same thing when I passed the Teacher's Board Exam. Way back in College, I could easily approach Tatay for permission than Mama. He was actually my lawyer because he has the final say and Mama couldn't do anything about it. I am a hard-headed individual who always insist on the things that I want and Tatay knew about it and he understood. Indeed, he completely perform the role of a father into our life. There are five of us in the family and during our Big Day, he was always there. He was the one who walked us down through the aisle except for my little sis (Tatay's girl) who got married at the US. This is the thing that my biological father never ever witnessed because we did not allow him to.

Until now, the idea of losing Tatay for good hurts. The man who was selfless enough to accept us as his own. If not for him, I may not able to finish my studies 10 years ago and all those selfless acts that he did for all of us in the family.

Well, I am not saying good bye because I know that sooner or later, I will also have my final rest. 

Tatay , thanks for your selfless love. We will miss you!

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The mindset of the younger generations now are greatly affected with the   fast development of technology. It influences their lifestyle, their decisions and their priorities. If we are going to compare the youth today from yesterday, we can say that there is really a broader generation gap that one may likely to fall if not given enough attention.

But hey, it's not only the younger generation who were severely affected with the rise of high technology. Even the older ones who are very much open and could easily adapt to the great changes are also one of the primary targets. In some cases, a family relationship could be endangered because of the communication barriers caused by technology. Family talks and family bonding were lessen because the kids were glued to the internet. Or worst, Mom do not have any idea anymore of what's going on with her kids because she's so into social networking, chatting some old or newly found friends. Dad got the same dilemma because he is too busy upgrading his customized PC and so much alike situations. I am not saying that technologies are bad. But how it affects you is what I am trying to emphasize here. We gradually become too overwhelmed with what technologies have brought forth to us that we become comfortable with it. If you notice that your life becomes a slave to technology and your world already revolves around it always waiting on what's the latest design and all, then learn to say NO while you still can. NO to bad influences, NO to worldly passion. 

In memory of my dear Tatay

In our lives we met lots of people. Some will just pass by, while others choose to stay. Those who chooses to stay, they stayed for a reason. Those people who lingers with us are those who gave value to us. It is also a reality that there are people whom you are not related with by any bloodline or consanguinity yet they are like more than a family to us.

Let me share with you a story.

Everybody called him "Tatay". His presence in our lives filled the empty seat that my biological father have used to abandon. He is my step father. Unlike what we often heard in the news about a step father maltreating his stepchildren, he is the exact opposite. He loves us like his own. That is why we love him too. But ours is not really a perfect relationship. We often have misunderstandings but Tatay's fatherly love is just so unique. He gave pieces of advice but he never forced you to follow it. He is a man of wisdom. He is not perfect but he is real. He reprimand you when you did something wrong. He is very observant too. He has a very sharp memory. Ask him about History and he will keep you posted. However, just like any individual, Tatay has his share of stubbornness too. If there's one vice that he couldn't give up-it is smoking. That is actually the main reason when we fight. I was the one who reprimanded him it's because I love him. I used to be his nurse way back then. I was the one who have enough courage to give him a shot of insulin twice a day. When I got married he couldn't walk well anymore. Few days before my wedding he told me to let my biological father to walk me on the aisle but I protested. I insisted him to be with me on my big day. He said he couldn't make it anymore because our church was on the second floor of a building and it is difficult for him to climb up the stairs. I insisted saying many are willing to carry him upstairs. And on my big day, my brother told me that Tatay went to the church so early so he have enough time to climb up the stairs. Wow, that was more than a year ago. By the time I have a family on my own, I barely see Tatay anymore. I got pregnant then and I find it too risky to travel a lot considering that we are living quite far from them. Every time I am home, he used to ask me to massage his feet and hand. Every time I did it, I noticed the great changes in Tatay. He is getting weaker each day. It's like he's getting brittle each day. I know the end is near.

Death is inevitable.

This is the reality in life. All of us will have the same ending regardless of who and what we are.

As I thank God for my 31 years of  existence yesterday, my Tatay passed away a day after my birthday. Indeed, life will really end. His death just happened so suddenly, everyone was caught unguarded. We (my hubby and my baby) were not there because we live couple of kilometers away. He was enduring the complication of diabetes. He can barely walk. He is not physically  fit. He went through lots of medication but to no avail. We have also tried alternative medication but he did not continue because his system could not adapt it anymore.

We heard stories about bad relationship between step dad/mom to his stepchildren, and we are blessed enough to have Tatay. 

We might not be your first family, yet you choose to stay with us until your last breath. We couldn't thank you enough for the love and care you have shown to us. We will be missing you. We hope to see you when our turn to have an appointment with God comes.

Hasta la vista!

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Last year, I was praying for a healthy baby as my birthday gift and indeed it was granted to me by God. For my 31st birthday today, I want a better future for my baby- may God grant it to me as well. Yes, I am now 31 (I just can't believe it I am way beyond the calendar days right now- LOL). I've been through a lot (as always been) but by His grace I was able to survive (of course with the help of my hubby). 

Jeush Gregory @ 7 months

When you became a Mom, your priorities changed. It is no longer me who is the center of attention, my son took THE CROWN from me. How I love him so much. now that he is getting bigger and he could already respond well every time you cuddled him, the feeling of joy was immeasurable. I might have sleepless nights but it doesn't matter to me anymore as long as it is for my baby I am very much willing to do anything for him. He is God's wonderful gift to me and I will always cherish him for the rest of my life. :)

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