Here I go again suffering from a severe dry cough. I just do not know anymore how to get rid of this. I cannot concentrate with my work and all I wanna do is get some rest since I hardly get a good night sleep last night.

Too bad :(

Prepare to meet your God!

Yes indeed. After reading the testimony of the Ecuadorian young lady, I felt the need to repost it for everyone to know. I already posted the link on my facebook account and now I will share it again here....

Please read and take a heart to believe. Let your faith and God's conviction work out on you...

How prepared are you to meet Our God?

Click here for the Testimony of Angelica Zambrano.

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As I was contemplating on this verse I was reminded of what Jesus did on the cross in order to save us from eternal condemnation.

The people who yelled that he should be nailed on the cross were the same people whom Jesus Christ died for. Yet amidst all the mockery and pain that Jesus have experienced more than two thousand years ago while he was being crucified, He still asked God the Father  these Words:

"Father forgive them for they don't know what they do"

In the present world, there are still many of us who were like the Jews. We might have never crucified Jesus Christ again literally but we failed to acknowledge all the things that HE has done for us. We are blinded with all the things that this world could offer from good career, treasures, degree and sophisticated lifestyle. With little faith, we considered all those things that God has done for us as just a glimpse of History that were being recollected over and over again every Good Friday.  

This should not be the case...

If we continue to be lukewarm with our personal relationship with God, can we still be assured that Jesus Christ will speak the same Words to God the Father when He said:  

"Father forgive them for they don't know what they do"

Or we might just be leading ourselves to ETERNAL CONDEMNATION.

May God forgive us. Amen

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• Father Forgive Them (The First Word from the Cross) -- Luke 23:32-34 (pastorbobcornwall.blogspot.com)

After a long vacation from blogging, I am finally back!
I am quite sad because my Alexa Rank went down... I know I still have lots of recuperating tasks to do.
However, I am back with new perspective in life. i am so happy now having a new status (lol). I got married for 6 days now and still counting throughout a lifetime.
I presumed and assumed that some of you dear readers missed me so much :)
Well, I am back and I need to double time!
Aja!

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Currently, my heart wasn't right, yes, it just didn't feel right. Sensitive as I am, this could go on for days. Good thing my mind was preoccupied with the projects for my post-grad subject. How I wish I could undo the feelings I felt right now. I have remorse for those insensitive people that surrounds me. I thought I was getting better but I was wrong.

Regrets are one thing that I dread the most when I was still single. Honestly, I have so many regrets in my life. From my choice of career before, the things that I should have done but failed to do, and then now my marriage. I thought I get stronger with time, but I guess I was totally wrong. 

Apart from infidelity, the worst thing that could ever happen to a woman was when she felt unwanted, unloved, and disrespected by the person whom she thought would be her only confidante, her biggest support. That feeling where you felt like you were just being used the whole time. Who could survive a lifetime with that kind of hostility? How I wish I have listened to the wisdom of my Mom. How I wish I have been broken back then than been broken forever. How I wish I could escape from this kind of reality as easily as I can.

BUT I JUST CAN'T.

I can't allow my children to suffer what I've been through growing up in a broken family. They're still too young to understand my situation. They're still too young to carry the burden. There hasn't been a year since I got married that I haven't helped myself from crying out of frustration, desperation, and yes, regrets. For 11 years now I have been carrying this burden. I thought I could live with it but I doubt I can.

I've done my best to be a better wife, and a better Mom but I guess I fall short of his expectations. I don't know, I really don't know. Instead of bringing out the BEST in me, I think I became the worst version of myself. The once jolly, vibrant me became an irritable, grumpy woman who seems to go through a mid-life crisis. 

Right now I felt so tired of trying harder to become the best. I am so exhausted, stressed, and not happy anymore. I remember how happy I was back then on the day of our wedding but little by little we're losing the consistency of a better marriage. Ours is far from ideal, far from the fairytales-like marriage. Ours is something that if God would give me another life in another time, I will make sure that I won't go back to where I am right now, that I would choose a different path, and with different people to invest my emotion with. All I have right now is an envy for those women my age who are happily married to their partners. I really thought he is the one for me, but maybe I was just so stubborn back then that I lost sight of reality. I thought LOVE conquers all and LOVE covers a multitude of sins but sadly, I do not have the tolerance and the patience anymore.  All the more my heart was hardened because never in our married life that he apologized verbally for every pain he caused me, never did I remember. He has his other way of showing how sorry he was but for me, that was never enough, because he never learned from his mistakes after all.

Enough of life's drama. I am so tired. Let's see where the rest of the days would take me- the future is too bleak for me- I have to wait for my children to come to an age where they will understand everything- that is if I could still hold on to God's promise of a better tomorrow.

NOTE: This was originally written in the future, the 6th of September 2022, the day where I felt hurt for a very shallow reason. But I just have to revert the date back to the day when we get married. Yes, it was TODAY, this very day, April 28, 2011. I want to reminisce about the day I took my vow... I want to reminisce about the promise I made that for better or for worse, I need to stay committed to this relationship.