Forty-two and Counting!

Yes, I just turned 42 and I felt good!

Indeed, 42 years and I wonder how much I've achieved so far. I can't really tell because there's still  a lot on my plate that needs to be consumed, there's still more unchecked items on my bucket list, and there are still lot of plans on my head being held in abeyance.

Well, the truth is, I just don't have any idea where this life would lead me. I have so many things that I want to accomplish and yet failed to take even one single step to do it. 

I procrastinate a lot! 

My graduate course is unfinished because I am still up to Chapter 3 on my thesis concept proposal. 

I finally had my passport (after years of planning to secure it) hoping to realize my dream to become a JET instructor in Japan yet haven't finish what I have started because of some "reasons" that I am not really sure if it could justify. 

Good thing I was able to work on my application for promotion at school. Yes, I deliberately made efforts to do it since I failed my Japan plan.

I am constantly reminding myself that I am far from achieving my goals and that I need to work harder.

But guess what, I have health issues that somehow stopping me in reaching my goals. In fact keeping myself healthy is among my frustrations! I have lot of attempts to lose weight,  but I am just too inconsistent!

Forty-two yet I am still confused. I have lots of fears, worries, and questions, not for myself alone but for my family, my own small family. My husband and three kids were looking up to me, as if their life depends on me that is why I have so much pressures within me to the point that I do not know what to do first.

Good thing I have my God, otherwise, I will fall into the trap of DEPRESSION...

Yes, I am already forty-two but not matured enough to live on my own.