Faithless...

Time flew so fast... 
you'll be surprised on how things work as the days go by.
each day is a big surprise, and a great opportunity too (FOR SOME)...
nevertheless, it's a privilege as well that we still survive.
it's normal for us to think and worry about the future...
yes I know exactly who holds our future...
it's HIM. No doubt about it, I mean, on His power...
for with HIM nothing is impossible.
However, my patience made me think the other way around.
I cannot imagine what lies ahead of me.
Yes, I keep telling myself that I should not be anxious 
about what may lies ahead
for I cannot add a day of my life if I kept on worrying.
I now have my baby.
I want him to have a kind of life that he deserves.
But with my status right now, it can't stop me from worrying.
Will I ever be able to provide all his needs?
Will I be able to survive the increasing demands of this world.
I have a job yet not for long...
I want to explore yet it seems like something is keeping me from doing so.
A fear begins to dwell on me.
I am so weak and so tired.
I keep on asking God for strength everyday...
Everyday I ask for wisdom.
But my mind is blank.
What keeps me going are the fact that I am still alive, I have a family 
and I have to survive.
BUT I cannot feel His hands anymore. 
I cannot feel His love.
Or maybe, I am just so insensitive of His presence...
Yes, there's nothing wrong with Him, absolutely nothing for 
God cannot be mistaken.
SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME, I ADMIT!
My faith? My hope?
I don't know.
Life is arbitrary... uncertain...
Today, I am living a kind of life that is COME WHAT MAY...
BAD, but it's true...
That's exactly how I feel right now